A few weeks ago, I came home to find that all my anemone in the garden- front & back- were being devoured. As I was trying to figure out why there were piles of dead little black bugs on the leaves, I realized in dismay that in fact those “little black bugs” were actually the feces of big fat gray blister beetles. I literally FREAKED OUT. I was shaking with rage and simultaneously had tears flowing down my cheeks because I felt I had left my garden exposed and allowed all these invaders in who were systematically killing ALL the anemone that I so carefully planted and nurtured these last five years. I encountered blister beetles several years ago which, withholding gory details, resulted in India’s entire face swelling up and she was in so much pain. It was awful. I’ve been carrying a MAJOR grudge against the entire population ever since. One by one I plucked them off the leaves and dropped them into a bucket of soapy water. But it was late in the evening, so I had to wear a headlamp in order to see them. I hunted these beetles multiple times a day for a few weeks until they were no more. Still, I keep a wary eye out.

 

I had such a strong emotional reaction to this infestation that it came up in sessions with both my business coach and spiritual director. It triggered feelings of being out of control, powerless, and overwhelmed. Something was invading my sanctuary. This brought to the surface another area of my life where I felt out of control. My email inbox. It has been steadily filling up every day over the months and years. I felt ill every time I thought about it. I felt overwhelmed, overrun, paralyzed, incompetent, and indecisive. Multiple times a day I would “check” email, reply to a few of the easiest ones and then just shut it down and walk away feeling defeated. BUT, as a result of the outrage and fury the blister beetles infestation incited in me, I was able to recognize this additional area where I had let my guard down and was absorbing a truckload of dis-empowering messages that were shutting me down. Every time I even thought about my inbox, I heard the messages, “You are inadequate. You can never stay on top of things. You are lazy. You are indecisive. You should be doing all these things so you can run your businesses better, be a better artist, woman, human.”

The beetles now almost seem like a gift, weirdly, because they inspired a metaphor in my life. I had neglected my garden and within just a couple of weeks it was overrun. It was time to take it back in hand. And I was perfectly capable of doing so. THERE IS POWER in my blazing hot outrage to protect my garden- and all those I love. While I habitually struggle to advocate and protect MYSELF, this time, with support of mentors, I was able to ride the wave of that power surge and clear out all those emails (and a bunch of other stuff actually!) as well. I was able to make the connection that my email inbox is simply another garden for me to tend. Now I weed it daily and look for the beauty, for what is thriving, for the opportunities.
I am currently basking in the liberation from skin cancer, blister beetles, and a cluttered inbox. I have an overall increase in energy, confidence, focus, creativity, and motivation. Yes!!! Finally AND what a relief!!! (Now on to kicking the sugar habit OUT and inviting the exercise habit IN! #goals). I cannot wait to support YOU in creating that same sense of freedom, spaciousness, and peace. ♥
Is there an area in your life where you feel overrun and defeated? Please reach out. Just send me a quick text. Or email (now that I’ll see it!!!). I would be SO delighted to help you set up some border protection, clear out invaders, and cultivate a beautiful, clutter-free, sacred space where you can heal and thrive. Everyone deserves this. You deserve this. I don’t do my work alone and you don’t need to either. 🙂

 

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